Grace, Kindness, and Compassion: The Journey Begins with You

A Sequel to “The Importance of Meeting People Where They Are”

A Sequel…

I had concluded my last wellness piece, The Importance of Meeting People Where They Are”, with the following passage:

“Sometimes the most routine phrases carry the deepest meaning.

‘Meeting people where they are’ is one of those phrases.

Meeting people where they are means you see them and you hear them.

Meeting people where they are means you not only see and hear them, but you listen for deeper understanding.

Meeting people where they are means you respect them as individuals, and you appreciate their unique circumstances.

Meeting people where they are is essential to building relationships and communities.

If we want to improve our institutions - if we want to improve society - we must learn to uplift one another. The first step in that journey is to meet people where they are.”

As a newcomer to this platform, this post was relatively well received and elicited engagement.

I was thrilled.

My Purpose as a Wellness Writer

My wellness essays are about making a positive difference in people’s lives whether it’s coping with tension and anxiety, navigating life’s transitions, finding purpose and meaning, practicing gratitude, or flipping the script on negative self-talk.

The same was true for my piece on meeting people where they are.

It’s my intention to draw upon my educational background, decades as a high school teacher and mentor, and experience as a life coach, to help others live their best life and to make a positive difference.

Meeting Ourselves Where We Are

One astute reader that commented favorably on the piece (“Love this piece, Carolyn. Wonderful advice on meeting others more fully and holistically”) had posed an important question:

“Now what about meeting ourselves. Don’t we need to meet ourselves where we are before we can even meet others? Don’t we need to meet ourselves holistically too?”

I had answered her question with a resounding “yes”.

In fact, I was thinking of the importance of meeting ourselves where we are, as I was writing the piece but for some inexplicable reason did not incorporate it.

Why didn’t I include that element?

It wasn't due to the post’s length, which was just a little over 1000 words.

It wasn’t due to time constraints. As a retiree, I have more time now than at any other point in my life.

The idea of meeting yourself where you are was not included because I either consciously or subconsciously - not sure which - dismissed the thought. I clearly remember thinking “we really need to meet ourselves where we are too” but then I moved on, treating the idea as an afterthought.

Did I think the concept wasn’t important enough to make it into the essay?

Did I think it would detract from the piece?

No and no.

Perhaps it was an inner voice demanding that I make this post exclusively about the others we encounter in the helping professions.

The inner voice was likely telling me that if I suggest we also focus on ourselves that some may view that as self-serving.

While that might be the reaction of some, it shouldn’t be.

Importance of Self Care

I know that it is critical to meet yourself where you are, especially if you assume roles in which you are serving others. When you are in a helping profession - teacher, social worker, nurse, counselor, therapist, life coach - being self-aware and practicing self-care is as important or more important than meeting others where they are.

Why is that the case?

A frequently used analogy that works here involves plane travel. We’re all familiar with the flight attendant’s instructions before take-off reminding us of the procedures to follow in case of an emergency.

“Place the oxygen mask over your own nose and mouth before you help others, including small children.”

If you’re not breathing - if you become incapacitated - you’re not going to be able to help others breathe.

The same is true regarding self-care.

If you’re not attending to your own wellness - physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually - you will not be in an optimal position to help others.

So, what’s next?

If we want to be able to make a positive difference in the life of others, we need our own proverbial house in order.

Everything that is emphasized about what needs to take place to meet people where they are, can be applied to ourselves.

• Meeting people where they are means trying to understand and appreciate each individual’s unique lived experience.

We need to be intentional in understanding and appreciating our own lived experiences.

• Meeting people where they are requires asking individuals the right questions and, even more importantly, listening to their answers.

We need to be intentional in being introspective - asking ourselves the right questions and listening to our inner voices.

• How am I doing?

• How do I feel?

• What is it that I want?

• How is it important to me?

• How is it of value?

• Are there barriers and obstacles holding me back?

• Am I happy?

• Am I content?

• Am I fulfilled?

• Am I energized?

• Am I living a purpose-filled life?

As we answer these questions and more, take note.

Are we showing ourselves the same grace, kindness, and compassion that we are committed to showing others?

If not, why not.

Are we less deserving? Are we less important? Are we less worthy?

No. No. And, no.

The Journey Begins With You

If we want to improve our institutions - if we want to improve society - we must learn to uplift one another, including ourselves.

So perhaps the first step in that journey is to meet ourselves where we are.

Once we’ve attended to our own well being - physically, emotionally, and spiritually - we will be better able to interact with others in ways that make a positive difference.

Meeting ourselves where we are - showing ourselves grace, kindness, and compassion - is an essential part of the journey to meet others where they are.