Navigating the Often Bumpy Waters of Life’s Transitions

We’ve all experienced periods of transition.

Whether it’s graduating from high school or college, changing your job or career, coming out to your family and friends, deciding to marry, divorce, or start a family, or choosing to retire, these pivotal moments can create a maelstrom of emotion contributing to a heightened state of anxiety.

We hit the proverbial fork in the road and we’re not sure which path to take.

We’re approaching the end of one chapter and feel apprehension about what comes next.

Whichever visualization best fits your experience with life’s transitions, we’ve all navigated these bumpy waters with varying degrees of success.

Based upon my experiences as an educator, life coach, and someone that has personally navigated periods of transition, marked by pitfalls and successes, here’s what works and doesn’t work.

What doesn’t work?

• Procrastination - We’ve all been guilty of this at times. Avoiding the difficult conversation, working on a project with a deadline in the not-so-distant future, making the much-needed appointment for an annual physical examination are some routine matters in which individuals may procrastinate. Procrastinating, rather than directly taking on challenges, both large and small, may temporarily ease one’s anxiety; however, it will not remove the challenge, obstacle, or critical decision that lies ahead. Responding to life’s pivotal moments in this manner will only make the inevitable transition more difficult and contribute to overall stagnation.

• Denial - Like procrastination, denial may shield an individual from the discomfort of having to make an important, perhaps life changing decision in the short term, but will leave that person flailing when he can no longer deny the wave of change that will eventually be thrust upon him. Imagine the student that is months away from graduating high school but hasn't explored any options for his future, whether it’s college, vocational training, military service, or any number of other options. When graduation day arrives and the celebrations are over, that student will have no plan, no defined path forward, and will feel rudderless.

• Hanging on to the Past - Change is always on the horizon. Going through life hoping to avoid change is not a realistic approach. Hanging on to the past, rather than embracing the future will hold back progress. While it’s important to celebrate life’s successes, dwelling on past achievements or failures, without looking to the future is a recipe for stagnation. Past successes should be used to fuel confidence about what lies ahead while past failures or setbacks should be viewed as critical learning experiences. As Nelson Mandela had said, “The great glory of living lies not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.”

• Succumbing to Fear - “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” President Franklin Roosevelt, in his first inaugural address, used these words to encourage Americans as they struggled to endure the economic hardships of the Great Depression. Succumbing to fear when confronted by challenges and obstacles will only ensure that the challenge is not met, that the obstacle continues to be an impediment to progress. Being a captive to fear will guarantee failure and is more dangerous than any challenge looming on the horizon. Mustering the strength and courage to confront fear is the only way forward.

What works?

• Embrace a Growth Mindset - Transitions represent new beginnings, affording each one of us the opportunity to start anew. A growth mindset, as opposed to a fixed mindset, emphasizes the belief that one’s effort, learning, and persistence determine achievement, not innate ability. Embracing a growth mindset will make a period of transition, whether it’s starting a new job or going back to college, an occasion to enrich one’s life.

• Brainstorm the Possibilities - If you’re feeling overwhelmed by a period of transition and what lies ahead, brainstorm the possibilities that change will provide you with. Viewing the period of change as an opportunity, makes moving forward more hopeful and even exciting. Going away to college, facing the “empty nest” as your children move away, or contemplating retirement, can be intimidating. Once you’re able to move past the initial hesitancy and embrace an optimistic outlook about the possibilities that the life change affords you, the negative feelings will recede.

• Articulate Goals - Each period of life should be marked by aspirational goals. Goals give life purpose and meaning. During pivotal moments it’s even more critical to articulate goals that align with your values. Goals will help you maintain focus and stay grounded. Goals serve as a beacon light that helps us navigate towards our ultimate destination.

• Commit to Becoming a Lifelong Learner - Attaining educational milestones are rightly celebrated but should not be viewed as the end of learning. Graduation ceremonies are aptly referred to as “commencements”, signifying a beginning. Each stage of life affords us the opportunity to learn more. We’ve all heard the popular adage, “With age comes wisdom.” Each day presents us with the chance to accumulate wisdom. Adopting the mindset of a lifelong learner makes each successive life stage a moment to capitalize on rather than something to fear or be intimidated by.

Final Thoughts

Life stages are inevitable. While these periods of transition can be daunting at times, viewing them as opportunities to learn, to progress, to grow, and to start anew will smooth the bumpy waters, easing navigation, making achieving a fulfilling, purpose filled life possible.

“All you need is the plan, the roadmap, and the courage to press on to your destination.”

-Earl Nightingale