The Importance of Meeting People Where They Are
You’ve probably heard the expression, “you need to meet people where they are”.
I’ve heard it many times and in varied capacities - as a teacher, parent, activist, and life coach.
If I’m going to be completely honest, I didn’t always put much thought into what this statement meant.
On the surface, it sounds so obvious.
Of course, you meet people where they are. Where else could you meet them?
What does it really mean to meet people where they are?
Meeting people where they are means trying to understand and appreciate each individual’s unique lived experience.
Meeting people where they are requires asking individuals the right questions and, even more importantly, listening to their answers.
Teachers engaging with students, parents interacting with their teenage children, activists addressing voters, and coaches working with clients must all make the effort to understand the circumstances of each individual in order to meet them where they are.
As a Teacher - As a teacher it took me years to fully appreciate the significance of this simple statement. If I’m teaching a 10th grade world history class or a 12th grade government and politics class, I may think I’m naturally meeting each of my students where they are. They are students in my class. I design the lessons and assessments that cover the curriculum, and each student shows up and completes the work. Simple.
It’s not that simple.
That appraisal is superficial.
Each student is a unique individual with different lived experiences.
When I meet a student for the first time in 10th or 12th grade, it’s the equivalent of reading a 13-chapter book starting with chapter 11 or 13. Reading a book in that manner makes no sense. Being exposed to only a small segment of the entire work limits the reader's ability to appreciate the full body of material.
The same is true for the individual student.
It is foolish to think I can adequately educate young people without seeking to gain a fuller appreciation of what their lived experiences had been prior to being a student in my history or government class.
If I am truly going to meet each student where they are, I need to try to get to know each one of them as an individual. This is no easy task for a high school teacher that may have as many as 150 students in their charge. However, if I’m to “meet them where they are”, that effort must be made.
Here’s a simple day #1 activity a teacher can use to begin the process:
Give each student an index card (or use a Google form if you prefer a digital format).
Instruct students to list 3 likes (I really like it when…), 3 dislikes (I really dislike it when…), and something you should know about me.
Responses can be school-related or not.
Let the students know that you will not be sharing their answers with the class. However, if they want to share what they write, that would be fine.
This activity is ideal for the start of a school year (or semester) and will help the teacher in her journey towards gaining a fuller appreciation of each student.
In my experience, students have shared all sorts of information, from lighthearted and humorous to quite serious, including difficulties coping with the loss of loved ones. Having access to personal information, even in small amounts, helps the teacher to meet their students where they are. Making that effort early on will be appreciated by the students and will help to foster a relationship characterized by trust.
As a Life Coach - Life coaches also need to meet their clients where they are.
It’s not enough to merely state goals and devise action and accountability plans.
The coach needs to encourage her clients to explore their current reality and identify obstacles that have limited progress. The coach should not leapfrog from goal setting, to plans for action and accountability without taking this important step.
The coach must work collaboratively with the client and strive to understand his circumstances - meet him where he is.
The Wheel of Life, a favorite tool of life coaches, is often utilized for this purpose. First developed in 1960 by Paul Meyer, this tool has been modified dozens of times over the years to suit different circumstances. The original wheel contained 8 categories:
business/career
finances
health
family and friends
romance/relationships
personal growth
recreation
physical environment
The model below is based upon Meyer’s original concept.
How to use the Wheel of Life
The client will rate himself in each category from 1-10, with a “1” indicating least satisfied and a “10” indicating most satisfied.
The next step is to share the results. Which areas were rated the highest? Which areas were rated the lowest?
The coach will then ask questions to develop greater awareness, understanding, and insight. Some questions may include:
How is this category important to you?
Are you satisfied with the current score?
Are you surprised by the score?
What would it take to get a higher score?”
Are there obstacles or barriers interfering with attaining the higher score?
What specific actions can you take to improve in this area?
How would improvement in this area impact the overall quality of your life?
Once the score in each category is discussed, the client can determine which areas need the most attention. Choosing one or two areas to work on initially would be the best approach. If a client tries to take too many actions in too many areas simultaneously, it’s easy to become overwhelmed, making the entire endeavor counterproductive.
Once again, it’s important to meet clients where they are.
Takeaways: what is the importance of meeting people where they are?
Sometimes the most routine phrases carry the deepest meaning.
“Meeting people where they are” is one of those phrases.
Meeting people where they are means you see them and you hear them.
Meeting people where they are means you not only see and hear them, but you listen for deeper understanding.
Meeting people where they are means you respect them as individuals, and you appreciate their unique circumstances.
Meeting people where they are is essential to building relationships and communities.
If we want to improve our institutions - if we want to improve society - we must learn to uplift one another. The first step in that journey is to meet people where they are.